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Monday, April 11, 2011

Obsessions, Loves, and Favorite Things. Like Oprah, Only Nerdier: Legally Blonde

Disclaimer: If any of you thought I was remotely cool, I'm about to nip that in the bud REAL fast.

I told you I was on a roll. You're lucky I've been rekindling obsessions all ova the place!

Caroline's Obsessions, Loves, and Favorite Things. Like Oprah, Only Nerdier Blog Series #2
"Legally Blonde."

Yes, I know it's kind of a cop-out being a girl, who also happens to be in a sorority, and stating that I'm obsessed with Legally's a little redundant, but who are we kidding. There is sooo much to love about this movie. 
Once again, I feel no need to explain or share a synopsis. It's Legally Blonde. Not unlike The Lion King, if you need to know the plot, then I don't know where you've been for the past 10 years. 
Now, onto my thoughts:

1. I'll admit it. When I watch Legally Blonde, I skip the entire first quarter until right up where she goes to Harvard. 
I feel a little bad saying that because the first part is super cute with all her sisters with lucky scrunchies, and the whole break-up is funny, and I do like watching vastly unrealistic sorority houses, but UGH...let's just get to Harvard all ready! 
I'm ready to see Elle kicking butt and taking names, Warner dressing less like a tool, Dorky David, Jennifer Coolidge, LUKE..., Enrique, the UPS guy's package, Raquelle Welch wrapped in's just so much better. 

2. I'm cutting right to the chase. Luke Wilson as Emmett.
Umm.....drool. God, I wish they gave Emmett more screen time because I adore Luke Wilson and therefore, I adore Emmett. 
I don't get what Elle's problem is when she first meets him. 
I'm sorry, but if THIS guy turned to me and asked me if I was okay and gave me advice on my teachers...

...I wouldn't give a rat's butt about Warner Huntington III. 
Oh, not to mention we find out later he was top 3 in his class, editor of the Law Review, and ohh yeah--unlike Warner--already a lawyer! 
That pretty much guarantees an early retirement in some beautiful house on Cape Cod with lots of pretty blonde and brunette babies with names that begin with "E" like Emily or Everett, and taking family day trips to Fenway Park (Woah, put too much thought into that.) But really. 
Also, I have to say, I'm giving Luke a looot of cred for sporting an early-2000s middle-part haircut and STILL looking gorgeous. 
Thankfully, Elle does come to her senses, but TOO BAD that goes down without us taking part in it! They don't even kiss. What bullcrap.  I will bemoan until the day I die that Elle and Emmett (Gah, it even sounds good together.) never kiss. And no, sorry, a little caption at the end of the movie stating "Emmett is proposing to Elle. Tonight." does not cut it.  *carries away soapbox*

3. "Well, what does she have that you don't have? Three tits?"
Oh, Paulette. Jennifer Coolidge is one of the funniest actresses of all time.

4. Ali Larter is effing scary as hell in that phone booth-alibi scene. O_O No, she really looks demonic.

                                    Wait for it, wait for it. I think her head's about to do a 360...

5. The best part about Dorky David isn't just how much I love him, but that his dad was Norman Bates in "Psycho." .....I know. IMDB that shit.

                                                          He's such a gem. "Uh...both?.."

6. Selma Blair has, as my sister would say, "negative boobs." However, on behalf of myself and all the other members of the Itty Bitty Titty Committee: Welcome, Selma. Welcome. 

Speaking of Vivian, I may not dress in hot pink everyday, but good Lord that girl is DRUH-AAAB...I think Selma is gorgeous, but Warner is a freaking idiot for choosing her over Elle.

Point proven--because this is her best look in the ENTIRE movie: 

7. "Oh my god, the Bend and Snap, works every tiiiiime...."--my fantasy gay BFF. 
Actually my fantasy BFF is that huge black woman in the windbreaker and cornrows break dancing. What an OG. Yeeeup, let's be best friends, please.

8. My only hope in life is that when I reach mid-to-older age, I will look like Holland Taylor.
She's divine. Even though she scares the crap out of me.

9. "Don' estomp your little last season Prada shoes at me, hohney."

What a great scene. Shame I can't find clips...

10. The UPS guy.
 I swear on my right arm he's one of the photos on my dentist's office wall. At least he should be. Then I found out he was on Kyle XY, that show about that dude with no belly button. Randooo....

                                                     "He's got a package."

11. Hoku.
What happened to her? I miss her and her confusing ethnicity and looking strangely like Paris on Gilmore Girls. Not that I was particularly close to her, but I did like her hair. And her anthem, "Perfect Day," obviously.

OH UMMMMM, please observe that there is in fact a KISS, I repeat, there IS A KISS in this music video. But noooot in the movie....but nooooot in the deleted scenes...I just. don't. get. it. 

Peace, Love, and Reese Witherspoon, readers! Have a perfect day...(yuk yuk yuk)

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